About six years ago when my grandson was at almost 3 was diagnosed with autism I went to spend 3 challenging years helping to find a way to reach him and build a bridge between his
Eventually my own health caved. This was frustrating when the needs were so great. I became more of a liability than an asset to the situation, and I returned to my beloved Port Townsend to heal and renew, only to slide further down the slippery slope. Gut related stuff persisted. Vascular stuff was a surprise. Two surgeries over the next year+ made it a slow up-hill challenge. I found it all but impossible to balance work with my own well-being, as much as I love all that I do.
Gradually I have regained some energy, but so far not back to full steam. It is said that something already in motion more easily stays in motion, and yet it has been necessary for me to take it slow as much as I want to go fast. At first I struggled to accept this, resisting the Universe’s request to sit still. We think our worth is measured and bills are paid by our ‘doingness,’ not my stillness. And yet my body was making it almost impossible for me to move forward. I was being called to find a way to love ‘what is’ and take my ability to self-love, something I had neglected, to another level.
Okay, Universe. I have tried to listen. I have slowed down, but have ‘cheated’ to keep up with the basic schedule of my work. Try as I may, it has been difficult to work with the world spinning and eyes not consistently cooperating.
At my core the real questions began to percolate up. “Who am If I dare to stop?” “Would the earth fall off it’s axis, would I really starve, or would I have to live in a cardboard box if I trusted that guidance would come from my heart rather than from my head?”
Louise Hay offers possible insights to the metaphysical meaning of ailments to try on. (http://tinyurl.com/ldex9xy ). As I attempted to decipher the messages my body was offering, I imagined my vertigo was inviting me to put a new ‘spin’ on life and surrender control. My eyes are telling me that it is essential to see from a new vantage point. The ringing in my ears calls me to listen more deeply and in a new way. My wobbly body demands that I rediscover and honor my core need for balance, loving my body more gently while embracing my intuition. My spirit is inviting me (with a sense of humor I might add) to see that joy transcends circumstances, and my bank account invites me to trust that all is well regardless of how things might appear.
Can I not only accept it with all my judgments and resistance, but let those go in order to fully allow ‘what is’? Can I assume something wonderful will grow out of the darker moments, and dare to press the PAUSE button, unapologetically, without defending, resisting or judging? Can I reveal my vulnerability in hopes that it will eventual transform to courage?
Here’s a big one! I will dare to be irresponsible and even a disappointment, and even disliked. Isn’t that what many of us are afraid of? Deep down I believe that all that will happen if I miss a newsletter deadline or two!
— Author unknown.
Intimacy, IN-TO-ME-SEE will come first as bet I can I will bring you along on my journey. I will share my p
How about for you. Where are you on your own spiritual journey?
Bless us all. Consciously evolving women are the most amazing, courageous, and valuable treasures, and I know that by honoring ourselves and daring to reveal and be congruent with who we really are, this is how we will make the most meaningful difference in the world.
P.S. I always welcome comments! http://centerofhappiness.com/contact-me/
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