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The Magic of Not Giving a F*** – Rhonda’s Response

Updated: Oct 31, 2021

Sometimes it takes being blunt to awaken us to a new way of seeing that leads us to our most meaningful and conscious life possible.

I offer a deep bow if gratitude to Sarah Knight and her blunt TED talk, The Magic of Not Giving a F***. I found her choice of words refreshing, rather than objectionable. With a 17 year old grandson who raps and a 13 year old autistic grandson with Tourette’s, I have chosen to make every effort to respond rather than react to abrasive words, always taking the time to determine the intention behind them.

Ah, the ‘F-bomb! This 4 letter word in particular remains very impactful, but even if it is not one of your favorite words, please listen anyway to Sarah’s important message. I think you will be glad you did.

I am guessing that Sarah is a 30-40-something (I am not good at guessing ages). I appreciate the clever way she gets our attention through f-bombs as she shares her insights gained as a corporate woman who tried to be all things to all people in order to expand her business success.

Realizing her dwindling joy, Sarah dared to get clear on what she truly cared about… what she ‘gave a f*** about.’ This raw clarity nudged her to find the courage to step off the hamster wheel with honesty and politeness, free of guilt, and without apology. In her brief talk, Sarah suggests ways we can adjust our ‘F*** Budget’… prioritizing the things worth ‘giving a f*** about’ so we focus our time, energy and money on allocating our ‘f***s’ for joy.

I was taught through culture and religion to care more for others at the expense of my own health and well-being. The impact of such skewed choices become more evident the older I get. As loss and illness accelerate and touch my life more and more often, I have become uber-aware that life is short and every moment matters, even the messy ones. I will always err in favor of love, and yet I know that self-care is an essential ingredient to living a conscious life.

Fortunately women are awakening earlier and earlier. We are not being called to stop caring for others, but rather to love ourselves as much as we love others, making choices from a more genuine place.

Now that I am closer to being 70, I can look back certain that the expectations for women to care for others more than themselves was set generations before mine through a patriarchal hierarchy that lingers on. We have made progress, for sure, and I am grateful for women like Sarah who, generation after generation, dare to speak up, question, and stand tall.

I am grateful that giving is my true nature above and beyond the programming that conditioned me to believe that most things were my fault, and it was always my role and responsibility to over-give. Still, it is absolutely true that our greatest gift is often our greatest challenge. It continues to be difficult for me to know when to say ‘yes’ and when to say ‘no.’

So, Sarah’s is an important question to ask. What do we authentically ‘give a f***’ about?Can we dare to take a stand for what is important for ourselves, confident that our own self-love (which is not selfish, but the way) becomes the greatest gift we can offer another… without apology. In this way, we can do our part to break the old spell and have the energy and passion to ‘give a f***’ about what matters most.

To learn more about Sarah, visit:

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