“When you help, you see life as weak. When you fix, you see life as broken. When you serve, you see life as whole.”
— Rachel Naomi Remen
Dear Ones, As I write this I am on a flight heading off to be with my sister through heart surgery. This is one of those moments where I wish the circumstances could be different. It is an uncomfortable vantage point from the edge of fear that makes it easier to anticipate the worst.
And yet the circumstances are what they are. One choice now is to wrestle or to dance with ‘what is.’ We can fight and resist and bemoan the circumstances every step of the way anticipating the worst and trying to stay in control, or we can take it in a step-by- step dance of co-creation, transforming fear as best we can as we go, looking for the blessings that will be hiding amidst the challenges of this experience.
Another choice is whether to fix or to serve. To be truly helpful means not to see my sister has weak or a victim of her circumstances. She is a feisty woman who is far from weak even though her heart definitely needs some TLC. It is my job to see her as healthy and whole and bless everyone who will serve and support her through this. Her heart may need repaired, but it is not my job to fix a thing even though I wish she did not have to go through this. There are blessings ahead even though they may come in an odd package. All is perfect somehow.
What I can do is be here to listen, care, be compassionate, and serve. I love my sister so much. She knows that. I will support her as best I can. Of course I will understand her fear while I do my best to hold the place of peace for us all. I prefer we all keep our intention and attention on positive possibilities and forgiveness is at the ready should any of us forget. It has always been my role hold the sacred space of peace for the ones I love when traveling through challenging times. SCARED transforms to SACRED when we change around just a couple of letters and remember to see through the lens of love.
I understand that fear for my sister will be a much easier choice than calm. As much as I wish I could do something so she didn’t have to traverse this hurdle, I have to be satisfied with doing what I can and allow this to be her journey… her choice moment-by-moment, her path to walk for whatever are her lessons too be learned and blessings to be had. I know there will be learning opportunities for me, too, and so it is an opportunity for all of us to stay open and turn to love as the answer to every bump.
My sister will have several weeks of healing ahead so all our ‘shoulds’ and ‘have tos’ will be put on the back burner in order to be present every moment and attend to the things that are truly important in life. Well trained to take care of the needs of others before my own, I too will have the moment-by-moment opportunity to balance my sister’s care with my own. This is tricky for most women who have been taught for eons to put the well-being of the ones they love over their own. Planning and preparing as best we can is important, however the moment will come soon when surrendering rather than resisting, and choosing to believe the Universe if friendly, will make room for the miracles to unfold.
Wrestle or Dance? Fix or Serve? Surrender or Resist? We always have a choice. Buckle our seat-belt. Hand’s up on the roller coaster, permission to scream as needed. This is how we all will remain open to co-creating an amazing ride. It will be important to focus not on the potential bumps and unpredictable happenings, but rather imagine that we will easily make it to the other end of this adventure soon. Once there we will finally be able to relax and take a deep breath, and realize that even though there were twists and turns along the way, both of our hearts benefitted by getting through it together! I pray we will both will remember to dance instead of wrestle, serve rather than try to fix, and surrender rather than resist along the way.
This is one heck of a way to open not only her heat, but mine!